We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
