If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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