I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
