Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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