I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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You ruined the universe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
