Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
