I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize