we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
