This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
