The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize