God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
