the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We're too hungover to prance.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
