we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
