Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
