addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
