Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
try to milk me bitch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
