His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
