I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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