ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
