Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
