glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
