i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
