Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
