Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
