Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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