I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
