Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
