I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
