This is not my ceiling
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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