Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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