all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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