you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
