She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
