If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
