She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
