all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
