My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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