We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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