I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
