rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
