just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
