you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
