Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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