Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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