she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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