I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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