just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
