he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
