i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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