Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
