i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
