you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
