I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
