my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
