tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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