how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're too hungover to prance.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
