Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
