she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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