and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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