Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
