My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
