fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
