Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
