Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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