life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
