My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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