best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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