I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
