When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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