I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize