I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
whose parrot is this?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
