dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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