Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
