bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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