Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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