My brain says no but my pants say off.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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