I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
