wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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